The Royal Journal Greatest Hits: Success is it in the Coffee?

Coffee or tea, you ask? Here's a little ditty I wrote back on February 5, 2007 that should help you resolve that dilemma, I hope you enjoy:

Today was a beautiful winter day in Southern California. You know, 70 plus degrees, clear skies, the kind of weather that makes one want to tip back a tall piping hot cup of coffee. Actually, wait a tick, that's not exactly my cup of Joe (wow, that pun wasn't intended, but it works quite nicely), I would in fact, prefer a cool crisp ice-cold water over anything on a day like this. But here in SO CAL folks seem to disagree with me. They drink the hot stuff like its some sort of magic potion that has the power to grant anyone their innermost desires. Whether it's an aspiring actor trying to make it big time, or a recent college grad attempting to break into the industry as a director, producer or even writer. To them this hot beverage is their key to "making it" in this town. That's why I think people, specifically in the entertainment business seem to be piling into the nearest Starbucks. The proof is in the company's logo (right), you can plainly see there is some sort of mystical witch pictured right in the center. She has the long wavy black hair and even appears to be using some sort of meditation or telekinetic power, which must be her devious method in mystifying all the tasty drinks inside each store. And for the price you have to pay for one of these hot beverages, there better be more in that cup than just coffee.

I originally thought the name "Starbucks" was derived from the actual amount of money one would pay for a cup of their coffee. If you break down the name you can get the real meaning. It's just like Dan Brown's best-selling book The Da Vinci Code. Words are symbols and symbols are words. If you split "Starbucks" in half it becomes becomes "STAR" and "Bucks." Everyone knows most stars have 5 points, so if you take the word "STAR" and switch it with the number "5" you get "5 bucks coffee." Is it a coincidence or a just secret code thought up by the company's founders to reveal their true motives?

I am almost convinced that Starbucks is also a cover for an ancient religious secret society that has been attempting take over the world for centuries. I mean, if you really think about it, there is one of these coffee shops on every street corner in every major city around the world. Their world domination plans must not be far from completion. So please, keep going to Starbucks, you never know your wildest fantasies may just come true, even if it's world domination.