Changes on and around my mind....

I had a realization this morning after I fumbled out of bed, walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. That's it, I have had it up to my ears with my hair. I know the stereotype, just because I'm a dude, I shouldn't have that much to do with it, but every morning but I am tired of waking up hoping that my little strands of protein are in the mood to be arranged into a specific formation. As you ladies know, when these little guys* choose not to cooperate with your demands it turns into what you might call a "bad hair day." (*Side note: I am 100% unaware of any studies that have proven that hairs sprout from a newborns head with an assigned sex, but I'm going to call them "guys" anyway.) And, unless you ladies know any secrets to make the population living on my scalp work together, I'm going to play evil dictator and punish them my way without regard to their well being.

I know most men fear male-pattern baldness, but at this point the idea of having a limited colony residing on the sides of my cranium sounds pretty nice. Plus, the ones on the side kind of stay out of the way and only need a little attention. But it's always those ones on top that cause the most problems, so away with them (look on the bright side bald people, you don't have to deal with these narcissistic strands, be glad they have abandoned the shiny fields of your bountiful noggin). Take my current hairstyle for example. (I know, I have the whole Ed Grimley look going on, but it has seemed to work for me these past few months.) The problem with my hair formation is the rebellious group of hairs that stand front and center. You know, the ones who get all the attention, yeah, you got it, on my head it's that thing that looks like it should be on Donald Duck's ass. For the record, getting this group of show offs to work together on a daily basis is just about as common as reading that Bigfoot was recently found drinking a friendly cup of tea with Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump (No "bad hair" pun intended with reference to the Donald.). Basically it NEVER happens. And when it does, on those few and far between days, I'm looking pretty damn good.

So seeing that my hairdoo-doo looks bad more days of the month than it looks good, I have officially decided to change things up, completely. And if they still don't cooperate I have something special in store for this mutinous group. That's right, I'm will attempt to do to my do, the same thing the military does to it's recruits in boot camp. Cut their egos down to almost nothing and build them back up over time. The bonus would be that while my little follicles are working hard to rebuild each individual hair back up, I won't have to worry about putting them into any special type of formation. That is until they're ready for it. *sinister laugh* And that, my friends will not only save me time in the mornings, it will save me from the disappointment of my team not wanting to get along. Stay tuned for pictures....